Women can choose whether to bind a man to support their child without the mans discretion. Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. April 9, 2012, 12:32 pm, Well to start theres this ridiculous bit of misogyny and what seems like lack of understanding of child support: one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met.. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . Well, ok. No, then I would say she is just stupid. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. You knew he would not or could not be the man you wanted. Both of those things cant be true, LW. Last I checked being gay doesnt mean you are also a genius who never makes mistakes. LW, take a step back and think about what you would tell one of your girlfriends in a similar situation. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. Where does the stork fit in? She never said an unkind word about him and made sure I knew that hed fulfilled his obligations by paying child support. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? Its believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but thats a myth. Change the subject and attack is not debate and makes you look pathetic. The sex was good. Because otherwise, society would, if you could never work again and started collecting welfare, etc. All I could think about when I read this letter was what an awful situation that child is going to be exposed to, through no fault of his/her own. If he doesnt own up to his part in creating a child, sorry, I think hes a jerk. It was her choice. He wants nothing to do with his own child. He still has to pay. Two. Bottom line. You were on a break, not even completely seperated from the relationship, and he clearly has some space in that undying love for you to have unprotected sex with a stranger. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. I dont see why the guy should get a free pass for having unprotected sex. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. April 10, 2012, 5:35 pm. Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. Coke bottle explodes taking off your arm = coke pays. It merely reduces the chances. Do you know how much day care alone is a month? Commenters on most websites just depress me I dont bother reading them anymore. That goes for women as well. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. Yet when it came to her most recent boyfriend, John . No loss there. April 9, 2012, 9:19 pm, Note I said 99% of PEOPLE in that situation, not women. Regardless, this guy obviously doesnt seem like anyone you want to be in a relationship with. reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. This dude barebacked some girl, knocked her up, demanded she abort, and then said he wouldnt take responsibility for his child. Story. First things first, get yourself to a doctor or Planned Parenthood or somewhere like that and get tested for STDS! It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. What kind of person he got into a new relationship with. We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn't want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I . I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. They should act responsibly. it happens. Personally, I wouldnt. And now that theres a pregnancy and the options arent his hes furious at the woman he impregnated because it isnt going the way he wants. As much as men have some inherent advantages, women do as well, and one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met. God, Im so glad someone else thought of that word when reading this letter because Ive used that word exactly three times in my life as an insult, and yet I couldnt quit thinking it. MOA, ASAP. iseeshiny I mean sure I can relate to the horrible emotions one gets about thinking that their guys (even if hes an ex at this point!) After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". Im a 29-year old mother of two children, and I was in a relationship for 4 years with a man (not the father of my kids), and he has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. What can you change? Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. It will have feelings too. You have to give up one or the other. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. If you were instrumental in the making of the child congratulations it is yours. Life isnt fair. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. nurserie cerise et capucine we broke up and he got another girl pregnant.If your ex got married only months after the breakup, then something doesn't feel right.In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy . thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. Hes scum all around in my book. landygirl Women have complete reproductive autonomy, but as far as I know it is impossible to become impregnated without a man somewhere in the equation. female Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. There is no 100 percent way to prevent pregnancy. April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. BTW, has he heard about condoms?? No one knows if adoptive parents end up being fabulous parents. Like I said, step back and evaluate this situation as if you were an outsider. And I am, I must admit. Well put. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. meaning, i was on the pill, i brought condoms, i asked about testing. Second, after all this talk of how disgusting he was for supposedly not using a condom, not knowing her all that long, etc., why no talk about this woman doing the exact same thing (number it takes to tango = 2) and having to deal with the consequences? He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. female But I believe theres a definite difference. And hopefully people begin to realize that just taking the pill isnt an absolute gurantee that you wont make a baby. Comparing your own experience to other people's. If you and your partner don't feel like you're getting the love you deserve, one of you could cheat. wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. April 9, 2012, 10:03 pm, God, are you REALLY this dense? savannah I just found out that someone he had slept with before we got back together is pregnant. All rights reserved. Who then supports the child that the man made? The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. Also, he seems willing to abide by the laws. Whats your lawyers address? depressed, got back together, money. 6napkinburger lets_be_honest And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? I make no exception for men or women. If he suddenly decided to emotionally ditch this woman when she was five months pregnant or after the baby was born, Id been singing another tune. Choose. Its not anyones fault, theres no one to blame. I have no idea why you two took a break if you cant live without each other, but honestly, neither one of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. Chuck Pelto You wouldnt need to administer it. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. iseeshiny The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. This is a great contrast to Wendys piece about Drew being a great husband/dad. We got back together but he dragged her along through texts for a week until I found out. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. One is right next to me . A woman who is raped is stuck with the agonizing choice of getting an abortion, or carrying a child to term. reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A April 10, 2012, 7:31 pm. Typical female (notice I didnt use the word woman, because she isnt grown up enough to be one) wants to control every man and every bank account around her. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. Its called lying. No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. I always thought that had to be a mutual decision. Theres a fun scenario. Consider that this man is 40 years old, but still immature. Because he had sex? Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. I came back to re-read because I was worried my reply would be disjointed and confusing (I wrote it tired last night, with a fever), so Im glad that while its not going to win any literary award, it wasnt totally nonsensical! So true. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? SweetsAndBeats I dont think you are right to try to make him stay with her. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. This discussion sure got crazy though! honeybeenicki Hes scum because he plans on abandoning the baby. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. Idiots like the guy in the letter, dont. April 10, 2012, 10:28 am. But it happened. Stop this back and forth with him. That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) Dont ever sleep with someone mean or stupid, because if you get pregnant, youre going to be tied to that person for the rest of your childs life. And I was like, Ewww, Mom, thats gross! But it was great advice, and Ive always followed it. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy. So the man in there He should probably act responsibly too. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? This LW really doesnt get a say in the matter, true, but if I were her Id take one look at the boyfriends actions and attitudes and dump him. Blood is not everything. The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . I dont have a problem with that. The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. Francine We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. Deal with it, ladies. If they do, he is obligated to support the child. And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. They were broken up so he had no obligation to the LW. Anyway, he ended the relationship with her and surprise, shes knocked up. .you can call me whatever you like. Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. Think of the children. but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. Come on! Nope. And I called him out on condom use because truly that should be something we all think about when having non-monogamous sex EVEN if the woman is taking another form of birth control. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. According to this, then, a woman should have the choice of forcing the child, once born, onto the father, and then only paying child support for a couple of decades. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. No. If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? You sound awfully bitter to me. April 9, 2012, 12:31 pm. It was unplanned and a . About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . FYI first time posting but long time reader. Temperance Take it from me, every man screws up at some point. I would love, just ONCE on this site, for one of the male commenters to address shitty man behavior. 2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. ha, Ive done too many drugs too. Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. April 9, 2012, 7:31 pm, It is interesting that I have never met anybody with HIV who just magically got that way Instead, they have all been very upfront and honest about their mistakes I was careless Meaning they dont claim have been wearing a condom when they werent. You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. bittergaymark That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene. Thats taking responsibility for your own choices. I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. But now no one wants to deal with it. No it isnt. But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. Homosexual couples dont HAVE to adopt. 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments Maam, he didnt waste any time moving on from you. It doesnt even come close. I got angry because it's something he should have told me. If her fiance adopted the child, then he is the legal father and she would go after him for Child Support. He could be upset (and who wouldnt be) if he didnt want it but she was keeping it anyway. Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards? Both of their attitudes kind of suck. April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. It is possible to get pregnant on the pill if you dont take it at the same time everyday, so maybe use backup protection if youre fucking someone you dont know? During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. No worries. Example: Couple agrees to the set-up evanscr05s friend did.