Withnail : Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up! He slams it shut and slumps against it, shaken, a few minutes later, Withnail re-enters the cottage holding a wet stick, Withnail sees Marwood eating some brownish fluid out of a bowl with a spoon, Monty's Rolls-Royce pulls up outside the window, looking at the kitchen sink overflowing with dirty dishes, he picks up the kettle on the stove. Danny: What's your name, MacFuck? Quotes.net. No need to get uptight, man. Withnail is walking him to the station in the heavy rain, they stop and look at each other. "I fuck arses." How like an angel in apprehension. The purveyor of rare herbs and prescribed chemicals is back. Withnail: Marwood: DRIVE WITH EXTREME CARE", shouts out of the car window at a man standing on the pavement, Withnail and Marwood are lying in bed together, listening to a man coming inside the cottage. [Withnail's lonely, aging homosexual uncle Monty has gone home, leaving a note humbly apologising for the desperate sexual advances he made on Marwood the night before]. Those are the kind of windows faces look in at. Tanks. [Withnail suddenly runs out of the pub, so does Marwood], [Marwood is in the pub toilets, after walking past a hulking Irishman who's called him a ponce]. Mrs. Parkin: Sophocles. I think you've been punished enough. Withnail: Rejuvenate! Grab its ring. All right, this is the plan. [telephoning his agent] If I hear more words out of you, I'll put one of these here black pods on you. It used to give him bad tempers and act up said his wife. What happened to your cigar commercial? And all at once those frozen hours, melt through the nervous system, and seep out the pores. Oh, Oxford Marwood: How can it be so cold in here? Keep your bag up. How infinite in faculties! You got a rush. Withnail: Get any more masculine than him and you'd have to live up a tree. Withnail: Withnail: I'm gonna be a sta-a-a-a-ar! [amorously puts his hand on Marwood's arm as he peels vegetables] Withnail: I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. Withnail: Scrubbers! These are the sort of windows faces look in at! Find your neutral space. Wait till the morning, we'll go in together. Oh dear, no, no, no, I'd be sucked into his trap. Goes into court in his caftan and a bell. Withnail: Monty: Withnail: Easily move forward or backward to get to the perfect clip. Marwood: *Arrrgh*! Peter Marwood (I): Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. To offer it the show of violence", [as Monty continues to recite the line from Hamlet, Marwood gets up and whispers in Withnail's ear]. He used to pick on me. Withnail: Monty: Marwood: How dare you call me inhumane?! Withnail freezes in terror with a mouthful of pie, ripping Withnail's tartan scarf off his neck, Withnail suddenly runs out of the pub, so does Marwood, Marwood is in the pub toilets, after walking past a hulking Irishman who's called him a ponce, Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid, he pours the lighter fluid down his throat. Burnt! Soak up the booze. No fridges, no televisions, no phones. Talk. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. Withnail: (He spits out a globule of phlegm) Jesus, look at that. Quotes from Withnail and I: The Screenplay - BookQuoters Add spice to it. You bloody fool, you should never mix your drinks! Oh, Christ almighty. Don't suppose you've engaged, have you? That is an unfortunate political decision. Marwood: "Boy lands plum role for top Italian director" Course he does! There's a man over there that doesn't like the perfume, the big one. You can use the left-hand menu to view some of the most popular quotes from the main Withnail and I characters . Dont be ridiculous. Withnail & I (1987) - Ruthless Reviews If you don't remember the sixties, don't worry neither did they. How like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! Quotes and one-liners: . It's society's crime, not ours. Imagine getting into a fight with the f***er! 2 pound 10 a tit and a fiver for his arse! I'm the firelighter and fuel collector. Indeed, I remember my first agent. Withnail: Come on, old boy. It's available on [lunges towards the sink] It's the only solution to this intense cold. I can never touch meat until it's cooked. [whispering] [to Marwood] Isaac Parkin: Haven't seen Gielgud down the labour exchange! So, there's this judge sitting there in a cape like fucking Batman with this really rather far-out looking hat. Go with it. Me? You love him. And at the end, it seems Withnail is sad that Marwood is leaving him and regrets his choices. The sky's beginning to bruise, night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. [after a phone call with his agent] And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. Waitress: But I never really had it in my blood, and that's what's so essential, isn't it, theatrical zeal in the veins. Withnail: Then stick it in the soap tray and save it for later. I know how you feel and how difficult it is. How like a *god*! There's the supper. Im in a park and Im practically dead. They are flat broke, so they move to the house of Withnail's uncle in the countryside. [teary-eyed] [a poacher enters the pub with pheasants stuffed under his coat, making him look like a hunchback]. Sherry? What the f*** are you talking about? Oh no, we'd be sucked into his trap! Hare. Making enemies of our own futures. *I'll show the lot of you*! But he's a very low-temperature spade, the Coalman. [he pours the lighter fluid down his throat. Prostitutes for the bees. Uncle Monty: I can never touch raw meat until it's cooked. No, no, no, dear boy, you must leave, you must leave. London is a country coming down from its trip. Marwood: Withnail: [Heckles pedestrian] Throw yourself into the road, darling, you haven't got a chance! The purveyor of rare herbs and proscribed chemicals is back. *Bastards*! What the fuck are you talking about? [ripping Withnail's tartan scarf off his neck] "I'm going to pull your head off." Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. "I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head.". Do you know, when you first came in here I knew you were a services man. Monty: Marwood: "Here. Ponce! . I do. Black puddings are no good to us. I'll show the lot of you! It's like Greenland in here. And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of *dust*? You know what we should do? The Withnail and I film script contains a virtually non-stop array of one-liners from all the main characters - and for this reason the film is often touted as being one of the most quotable films ever made. Look here, my cousin's a QC! Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. I hope you guys like our collection. Don't vent spleen on me, I'm in the same boat! The only thing youre in that Ive been in is this ****ing bath! Irishman: save. Withnail: And we want them here, and we want them now! Monty: Monty: What on Earth are those? Like "Withnail: This is ridiculous. The school in fiction Poetry. Course you have, you're the poacher. Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! It's a bloody chicken! The best GIFs are on GIPHY. He's lent us his cottage. For all of us, quotes are a great way to remember a book and to carry with us the author's best ideas. You won't keep us anywhere. [picking up an apron] Amazon.com: Customer reviews: Gold, Guns and God: Swami Bhaktipada and Please explain the joke from Withnail and I : ExplainTheJoke Withnail & I - The Script - Tripod Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. quotes duty call warfare modern war. ", Oh! An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door]. The only thing you're in that I've been in is this fucking bath! Hurry up, Mabs. Offer him yourself. Danny: And I'm sitting in this bloody shack and I can't cope with Withnail. The murder and All-Bran and rape. Monty: Making an enemy of our own future. So we're gonna make one that shits itself as well. Locations, see. Jake: The poets represented in the book include the Old Wykehamists John Crommelin-Brown, Lord Alfred Douglas, Robert Ensor, A. P. Herbert, George Huddesford, Lionel Johnson, William Lipscomb, Robert Seton-Watson, Thomas Adolphus Trollope . [looking at a newspaper] I feel unusual. Marwood: (Voice-over) Thirteen million Londoners have to wake up to this. Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. Nor women neither. Uncle Monty: Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Danny: [shouting at his cat] [gesturing at the wine bottles and Marwood in the back] You never discuss your family do you? Throw yourself into the road, darling! [the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch] Withnail: [screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning] We mean no harm! Withnail and I Quotes by Bruce Robinson - Goodreads Well, don't. Scrubbers! [Withnail laughs hysterically and falls to the floor, then vomits on Marwood's feet], Withnail: I'm not having this shag-sack insulting me! Monty: [to the cat] you beastly little parasite how dare you, you little thug how dare you, arrgh beastly ungrateful little swine. Yes, but if it rains, we're buggered. Uncle Monty: It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, "I will never play the Dane.". Withnail: I think we've been in here too long. Tea Shop Proprietor: Withnail: Didn't you hear? Withnail: Withnail and I Quotes. I imagine they're talking to each other. Monty: These aren't accidents, they're throwing themselves into the road! You just wait. Jesus Christ. Talk:Withnail and I - Wikiquote Marwood: What is all this "tactical necessity" and "calculated risk?!" Do you mean you've been up here in all this beastly mud and oomska without Wellingtons? It's like a tide. Because I don't advise it. Danny: Thanks! Withnail And I - Wikipedia en.m.wikipedia.org. Ive absolutely no interest in yours. Withnail hands Marwood the bag of shopping and jumps over the wall to safety. My brain's capsizing. Marwood: We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires! Web. That's what you say. Monty: Here hare here. How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader! Withnail: Sulking up the hill. Danny: If you're hanging on to a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision - let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? Web. It's society's crime, not ours. This is a court, man. "Withnail and I Quotes." Be seated. Marwood: Withnail And I GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY Give it a chance. Hare. Marwood: Give me a downer, Danny. Marwood: I can't take aspirins without a drink. Especially that pimp! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? The movie, which takes place in England in late 1969, involves the misadventures of a pair of chronically unemployed actors. These aren't accidents! I'm not gonna understudy anybody. Marwood: The fuel and wood situation. Belongs to the fellow downstairs. Withnail: Marwood: I have just narrowly avoided having a buggering. Monty clearly has some difficulty in reading the note. Hey, give us a wheeze on that fag. [points a fencing sword at Marwood face] Withnail: He doesn't have any friends. Especially that little pimp! Withnail: I fail to see my familys of any interest to you. How dare you. Tea Shop Proprietor: Because if you do, I'll have to give you a dose of medicine. Withnail: I expect they're dead down the drain. They walk down to the cottage. Withnail: Withnail: Marwood: I assure you I'm not, officer. Imagine getting into a fight with the fucker! Dosed 'em. If I see that silage heap hanging about up here, *I'll take the bastard axe to him*! Withnail: Two quid? What's it got to do with you? Forgive me, it was inconsiderate of me not to have telegrammed. "I'm gonna pull you head off." Just say there are a couple of drunks in the Penrith tearooms and we want them removed. You're looking very beautiful, man. I must have some booze. I mean to have you, even if it must be burglary! It's too hot so he drops it, on top of a hill, shouting into a valley, his voice echoing, Withnail's lonely, aging homosexual uncle Monty has gone home, leaving a note humbly apologising for the desperate sexual advances he made on Marwood the night before, Jake has left a dead hare hanging on the cottage door, along with a note, wakes up in the back seat of the car, which is moving along the motorway, he swerves dangerously through the motorway traffic, holding up a Fairy Liquid bottle with a strap and a tube, Marwood knocks on the door of a farmhouse. What do you want in here? [overtaking a car on the motorway] Why didn't I get any soup? Then why has my head gone numb? Monty: These are the best withnail and I quotes. Discover the priceless words that sparkle and shine here. Why can't I get on television? Why don't you use a cup like any other human being? I happen to think the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose. One of my favourite movies. I was merely making an observation. His name's Presuming Ed. He had a weight under his fez. Hair are your aerials. What have you done to them? Search, discover and share your favorite Withnail And I GIFs. And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black. It's horrible really but they like that, the little girls. Marwood: Wait till the morning, we'll go in together. He told me about your problems. Looney Tunes Golden Collection: Volume 1 - S01E04 High Diving Hare, Looney Tunes Golden Collection V.2 - S01E11 Tortoise Beats Hare, [SINGING] Hare Krishna, Hare Lama Hare Krishna, Looney Tunes Golden Collection: Volume 1 - S01E08 Water, Water Every Hare, Looney Tunes Golden Collection: Volume 1 - S01E37 Frigid Hare, Looney Tunes Golden Collection V.2 - S01E13 Slick Hare. Federal judge sentences Massachusetts man to probation for running What have you done to them? This doll is extremely dangerous. So he looks at the Coalman and says, "What's all this? Withnail: You mustn't blame yourself. Withnail: [narrating over scene] Rejuvenate. Trade: Phenodihydrochloride benzorex. Marwood: I mean look at us! Danny: I don't advise a haircut, man. Withnail: Half an hour? It was like walking into a lung. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Listen to this. He doesn't have any friends. Stand aside! That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Monty: (to the cat) you beastly little parasite how dare you, you little thug how dare you, arrgh beastly ungrateful little swine. [Withnail sees Marwood eating some brownish fluid out of a bowl with a spoon] This doesn't go down at all well. The bastard's about to run at me! Withnail: That's what I want to know! No, I'd better go. Danny: Director: Bruce Robinson Stars: Richard E. Grant, Paul McGann, Richard Griffiths Rating: Unrated Runtime: 107 minutes Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Half an hour? Oh, don't tell me you're not aware of it, I know what you're up to and so do you. YARN | "Here hare, here." | Withnail & I (1987) | Video clips by quotes withnail magazinweb. I demand to have some booze! Withnail: Monty: Black puddings are no good to us. Headhunter to his friends. Clip from Withnail & I Rest in happy peace Richard Griffiths ! Withnail: Weve gone on holiday by mistake. Gi' me one in t' knee. Monty: Marwood: Monty: We get in there and get wrecked, then we'll eat a pork pie, then we'll drop a couple of Surmontil-50's each. Your sensitivity overwhelms me. Withnail I Quotes (2 quotes) - Goodreads I think we'd better release you from the lgumes and transfer your talents to the meat. I was gonna cook onions. [high-pitched voice] We shall buy this place and fire you immediately. And how dare you tell him you rejected me?! Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't. His sister give him the idea. I would say. Headhunter to everyone. Withnail: If I ever see that silage-heap hanging about up here, I'll take the bastard axe to him. Laisse-moi, respirer, longtemps, longtemps, l'odeur de tes cheveux. Im in the same boat. We do it wrong, being so majestical. And now I'm calling you one. He wants to get down there and have sex with those cows. Policeman 2: I'm not going to understudy anybody. [casually lighting a cigarette] The fucking kettle's on fire! Marwood puts his hand on Withnail's shoulder]. You haven't got a chance! Marwood: How dare you tell him that?! There is, you'll agree, a certain 'je ne sais quoi' oh so very special about a firm, young carrot. Listen to me, listen to me! If you don't leave, we'll call the police. Nor women neither. Why don't you wash up occasionally like any other human being? There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this fucking mountainside! One of us has got to stay on guard. Because if you do, I'll have to give you a dose of medicine. I'll deal with the water and other plumbings, you can check the fuel and wood situation. Marwood: Withnail: [Marwood comes out of the bathroom wearing a towel]. [leaning out the car window] Withnail: Withnail: Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. Here.". He's going into your room. Hello? One of us has got to stay on guard. Goes into court in his kaftan and a bell. Withnail: Withnail: All right, this is the plan. Withnail: [voiceover] I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside? Something's got to be done. [in a telephone box, speaking to an operator] [Withnail has been pulled over by the police for speeding down the motorway in the beat-up Jaguar]. Withnail: 'Scuse me. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. Sons are the anchors of a mother's life. Withnail: Hello? You're simply blackmailing your emotions to avoid the realities of your relationship with him. Whats more popular than the movie itselfis, its amazing quotes. He gags and gasps, Withnail laughs hysterically and falls to the floor, then vomits on Marwood's feet, as Monty continues to recite the line from Hamlet, Marwood gets up and whispers in Withnail's ear, after coming out of a field, Withnail hasn't closed the gate properly, and a bull walks through it. Withnail: Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. I'm a friend of Montague Withnail's. Come on lads, let's get home. Oh, how I tried not to. Bates novel I'd read. Jesus Christ! He leans up close to her, speaking into to her hearing aid]. Keep back, keep back! How infinite in faculties! And I've come in here with the express intention of wishing one on you! This thread is archived. Cake. Withnail: Two out-of-work actors -- the anxious, luckless Marwood and his acerbic, alcoholic friend, Withnail -- spend their days drifting between their squalid flat, the unemployment office and the pub. A coward you are, Withnail! But no man's put me down yet. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Withnail And I. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. This is a court, man. Listen, I know what you're thinking but I had no alternative. https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Withnail_and_I&oldid=3185462. Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. [pulling back the lace curtain] I often wonder where Norman is now. [the drunken, elderly pub landlord opens the till and it hits it him the chest and he almost falls down]. You been away? [with his mouth full] Monty: Withnail: It's you he wants. Is Marwood in love with Withnail? [Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid]. Marwood: Them pheasants are for his pot. move forward or backward to get to the perfect spot. Matter. If you don't remember the sixties, don't worry - neither did they. What a piece of work is a man! That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Top 65 Best Nikola Tesla Quotes On Energy & Success 2023, Top 70 Bengals Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 68 March Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 57 Airplane Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 65 Philippine Literature Quiz Trivia Questions And Answers, Top 62 Chemistry Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 63 Biology Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023. I'll swallow it and run a mile! Withnail: Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head. Withnail & I is in my personal Top 5 movies of all time for re-watchablity and scathing dialogue. [pointing an eel at him] I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine. First thing we've got to do is get this fire alight, then we split into two fact-finding groups. Now, which of you is going to be a splendid fellow and go down to the Rolls for the rest of the wine? Withnail: Withnail: When I come in, I seen one the size of a fucking dog. Sherry? Offer him yourself. Withnail: Nonsense, this is a far superior drink to meths! https://www.quotes.net/movies/withnail_and_i_quotes_14074. Much more of this and I'm going to apply for meals on wheels. You shouldn't treat each other so badly. I feel dreadful, I feel really dreadful. We may as well sit round this cigarette. Marwood: Find helpful customer reviews and review ratings for Gold, Guns and God: Swami Bhaktipada and the West Virginia Hare . I mean, look at us! Danny: Relax, man, find your neutral space. Just think of it with bacon across its back. It's those dreadful beady eyes, they stare you out. Danny: Monty: quotes military heroes famous quotesgram. Probably wintering with his mother in Guildford. Uncle Monty: Come on lads, let's get home, the sky's beginning to bruise. Withnail & I (1987) - Quotes - IMDb What's in your hump? [clearly drunk] That's a very good idea. We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires! I can't. Withnail: Peter Marwood (I): Stop saying that Withnail, of course hes the fucking farmer! We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. Danny: How you feel. And for once Im inclined to believe that Withnail is right. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. There are things in there, there's a tea-bag growing! Withnail: You know, farmers, travelling tinkers, milkmen, that sort of thing. He can eat his ****ing radish. Marwood: Why don't you wash up occasionally like any other human being? Danny: Cool your boots, man. Uncle Monty: Oh, my boys, my boys, forgive me. Withnail: [reading from the paper] "In a world exclusive interview, 33-year-old shotputter Geoff Woade, who weighs 317 pounds, admitted taking massive doses of anabolic steroids, drugs banned in sport. He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! [while high on drugs] Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your f***ing appendix doesn't mean anything! Rejuvenate? I shall miss you too. The beauty of the world! Danny: [they go and sit down at a table with their drinks]. Danny: I dont advise a haircut, man. Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, "I will never play the Dane. My brain's capsizing, I've gotta unfuck my brain! What are we going to do about it? Withnail: Probably wintering with his mother in Guildford. Wake up you bastard, or I burn this bastard bed down! You need working on, boy! Withnail: Would it be in bad form to plagiarise a toast? I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine. My thumbs have gone weird! We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. An expert on bulls you are not! Withnail: How should I possibly know what we should do? Withnail: Look at my tongue. They are playing poker with bottle tops and a . The Coalman had to go to Jamaica. Get into countryside, rejuvenate. you little traitors. Then you gotta change its drawers for it. I'll sleep here. I've been to drama school. Marwood: [relieved] Monty! I want something's flesh! Quite freaked me at the time. I don't consciously offend big men like this. We are not drunks, we are multimillionaires! Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head. Danny: Look at him. Jake: The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman. Don't you agree? I might come and see you lads in the week. Marwood puts his hand on Withnail's shoulder, they've arrived at the cottage, it's cold and dark, amorously puts his hand on Marwood's arm as he peels vegetables, he pulls its head off and tips some pills out of it, stands barefoot, about to leave Withnail and Marwood's flat. Talk:Withnail and I. Withnail hands Marwood the bag of shopping and jumps over the wall to safety. Danny: You're looking very beautiful, man. Withnail: What is all this tactical necessity and calculated risk? To tutor it in the ways of righteousness, and procure some uncontaminated urine. Withnail: Will it? Easily Quotes About Cool Kid (57 Quotes) www.quotemaster.org. His head must weigh fifty pounds on its own. I'm preparing myself to forgive you. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.